When Billy Dib’s grandma passed away in 2003, everyone was crying except him.
Being a man — and a boxer — he felt it was inappropriate for him to express his utter distress at losing a family member he loved.
All it took for him to let his tears flow was a few gentle words from his cousin.
“He leaned closer and whispered in my ear saying, ‘Are you okay? You know it’s okay to cry, right? Cry if you need to’,” the Lebanese-Australian boxing champion explained.
“All of a sudden I burst into tears, and I felt an immediate sense of relief.”
Dib, who has survived cancer as well as the loss of his wife to the disease, has written a children’s book called ‘Boys Do Cry’ inspired by true stories from his childhood and adolescence.
As a dad to four-year-old Laith, Dib said the book was important because it sent boys a powerful message about strength and masculinity.
“Tears are not a sign of weakness,” he said.
“It is important for boys and men to realise that crying is actually a source of comfort.”
Billy Dib (right) with British boxer Prince Naseem Hamed (centre) and his childhood coach Harry Hammond (left) Credit: Billy Dib
Like lots of men, Dib said he grew up internalising the idea that it was unacceptable for him to show weakness and that showing emotions, especially sadness or pain, made him “less of a man”.
“I remember falling down and hurting myself, and the moment I started crying, someone looked at me disapprovingly and told me ‘don’t cry like a girl’,” he said.
Child and adolescent psychiatrist Yara Khedr believes there is a societal stigma around expressing emotions in general.
“There is a general perception of power and control and how they are the opposite of emotions,” Khedr said.
“There is an attempt to separate emotions from thoughts and so expressing emotions is often seen as a sign of losing control.
“This happens even with women and children, but the pressure is greater on men because suppressing emotions is associated with courage and strength which society sees as good qualities in men.”
An impressive career
Dib, known in the boxing world as ‘Billy Dib’ or ‘The Kid’, is a well-known Australian professional boxer. With an impressive boxing career spanning more than 25 years, Dib has gone on to capture the attention of boxing fans in Australia and worldwide.
Born in 1986 in Sydney, he took up boxing at the age of 11, hoping it would reduce his asthma symptoms, and stop the bullying he was facing at school.
Billy ‘The Kid’ Dib of Australia celebrates winning the IBO World Middleweight title over Zolani Marali of South Africa in 2008. Credit: Matt King/Getty Images
His father took him by his hand to the boxing club, encouraging him to learn how to defend himself, he said. And that was the beginning of more than 20 years of boxing.
“We were Lebanese and most of the kids at school were Australian,” Dib said.
The bullies hit me, pushed me, and spat on me. But boxing gave me resilience and strength and helped me stand up for myself.
Billy Dib
In 2008, Dib won the International Boxing Organisation (IBO) Super Featherweight title and from 2011-2013, he held the International Boxing Federation (IBF) Featherweight title.
Despite success at a young age, Dib said he had faced his “fair share” of tragedies, which forced him to become a fighter outside of the ring as well.
In 2015, his then wife, Sara Selim, died due to complications stemming from her leukemia treatment after only six weeks of their marriage.
Then, in October 2022, Dib was diagnosed with stomach cancer at the height of his sports career.
Despite hesitations, Dib decided to go through chemotherapy for the sake of his young son, Laith Credit: Billy Dib
The former world champion was reluctant to undergo chemotherapy, but he finally decided to embark on the treatment journey for Laith.
“I told myself if I lived, I would live for my son and if I died, I would go to God. So, I had nothing to lose,” he said.
After six months of treatment, Dib was declared cancer-free.
Despite the physical and emotional toll of his ordeal, the 38-year-old said his close encounters with illness and death filled him with more appreciation for time and human connection.
“Before Sara’s death, I lived in my own bubble. I didn’t think much about other people. But I’ve learned to be more appreciative of others,” he said.
“I ring my friends and check in on the people I love. I know now that life is very short and that we all have limited time.”
Dib’s tough experiences also taught him that being vulnerable didn’t mean he was weak.
“I’ve learned to become more expressive of my feelings. This is the only way to heal. I’ve also learned to ask for help when I need it,” he said.
Khedr said “managing not supressing emotions” should be encouraged.
“This happens best when a person expresses their emotions which helps them learn how to manage them properly,” she said.
Billy Dib during his cancer treatment. Credit: Billy Dib
Dib believes that some cultural norms push men to suppress their feelings under the pretext of “toughening up”.
“I don’t think it’s specific to one culture. I have friends from different backgrounds, and they all have been told off for crying,” he said.
In many , it is not socially acceptable for men to express vulnerable emotions, such as sadness. Instead, men are socialised to express more powerful and hostile emotions, such as anger.
Khedr said societal pressure to suppress emotions was prevalent in various cultures.
“Sometimes I deal with patients who do not have the words to describe their feelings and this is something that is passed on from parents to children,” Khedr said.
“Children are raised to believe that not expressing emotions is a sign of taking responsibility.”
Encouraging boys to suppress their feelings, according to Khedr, has a long-term negative impact on their relationships and mental health.
“Over time, it becomes difficult for boys to communicate their feelings and understand the feelings of others. This causes many problems in relationships and parenting,” she said.
“We see higher suicide rates among men, and they are more likely to delay seeking help when facing mental health problems.”
Laith, whose name means ‘lion’ in Arabic, is never scolded by his dad for crying.
“I never tell him not to cry,” Dib said.
“I reassure him and tell him it’s okay to cry and then you can explain to me what happened afterwards.”
Khedr argues change starts at home.
“There should be clear and extended discussions about feelings within families,” she said.
“There should also be awareness programs in schools. And the stereotypical images of masculinity in the media and drama need to be changed.”
Dib said he hoped boys would learn to be more expressive after reading his book.
“I want them to be more in touch with their feelings and to know that crying doesn’t make them weaker or less masculine,” he said.
“We as a society need to keep on sending this message to boys.”
