Key Points
- Melbourne-based Riane Avila’s mother passed away from breast cancer in 2023.
- Avila remembers her mum’s fierce devotion and love of her children.
- To honour her mum on Lunar New Year, Avila plans to continue the tradition of prayer and gratitude.
Two years have passed since Avila lost her mum to breast cancer, and the loss continues to be difficult for her to verbalise.
Riane Avila (right) with her mum, Glory. Source: SBS / Riane Avila
Registered psychologist Donn Tantengco said that this difficulty is normal, sharing with SBS Filipino, “Grief comes with a cluster of emotions that vary from person to person … the experience of grief and loss is not a linear one.
One way of expressing grief is by honouring the deceased in your way (for example, photos on a mantle, having a small box of their items) … whatever you feel is comfortable to remember your loved one.
Donn Tantengco, registered psychologist
For Avila, honouring her mum is about persisting in a vow to continue her mum’s Lunar New Year practices of prayer, adherence to tradition and gratitude for both the years that had passed and for the year to come.
‘Temple-hopping’ tradition
“I always celebrated with my mum and my brother, Choq. Mum always emphasised the importance of prayer,” she said.
Binondo in Manila is believed by some to be the oldest Chinatown in the world. Credit: Alexis Ricardo Alaurin/Pexels
“We would go ‘temple-hopping’ in Binondo; and in each one, we would pray and make wishes for the year to come,” she said.
“Being that we were already in Binondo, of course we (also) looked forward to eating!”
It was always crowded and the streets were narrow, but we’d find our way through the crowd to catch glimpses of the dragon and lion dances.
Riane Avila
“We would bring tikoy (Lunar New Year cake made of glutinous flour) and pancit (noodles).”
The extended Avila family during Lunar New Year celebrations in 2019. Credit: Riane Avila
Moving to Australia
She had been sponsored by her previous employer, a large, multinational company.
Even though mum was in the Philippines, she helped me navigate my way around. She would say, ‘There’s a Chinatown there! You can take this bus, and that train’.
Riane Avila
“Mum would still get my fortune prepared in Binondo before Lunar New Year even if I was away. It would always be very specific to me because it was based on my birthday (and) time of birth.
Lunar New Year celebrations in Manila’s Binondo district. Credit: Ezra Acayan/Getty Images
“She would send me what my lucky colours for the year were. She would always send me details of what I should do to attract luck. She always did that for me.
“My brother and I were always her priority. She was very protective. She always wanted us happy and safe. I miss that. I miss her.”
A text message Avila received from her mum, Glory. Credit: Riane Avila
Tantengco said special occasions and holidays make grieving complex because these were moments when the feelings of loss were amplified amid celebrations.
“Keep up with your daily routines and instead of avoiding special occasions (birthdays, anniversaries) and other instances (for example, visiting a place), mark them whilst honouring the deceased,” he said.
Give yourself permission to feel emotions — name them, notice them come to you, and notice how they feel.
Donn Tantengco, registered psychologist
“I saw how my mum loved us and I realised that I love my whole family — my aunts and uncles, cousins, my brother and his family — and friends with the same ferocity,” she said.
A young Riane Avila (left), her mum, Glory (centre) and her brother, Choq (right). Source: SBS / Riane Avila
“I find solace in our family traditions, in honouring her legacy … so this Lunar New Year, I will light incense for her and the family, eat tikoy and pray, and express gratitude for the life I have.”