This article contains references to infant deaths.
On Thursday afternoon in Melbourne, I boarded a traditional tall ship with a group of strangers to scatter the ashes of 79 people.
All of the persons whose ashes we scattered were unknown to me.
Run by the charitable enterprise Sustainable Funerals Group, the service helped in scattering the ‘unclaimed’ remains of 79 persons. One of those unclaimed ashes was over twenty years old.
Unclaimed ashes are cremated remains that have not been collected by family or any other next of kin.
Only two families showed up to spread the ashes of their loved ones. The other 77 families have been uncontactable.
Why are so many remains unclaimed?
One set of remains on board was from when the charity started 28 years ago. They belong to Mr Van Dooren, who was cremated in 1997.
Founding member and CEO of Sustainable Funerals Group Kieran Worthington told SBS News ashes can remain unclaimed for a multitude of reasons.
Sometimes, the next of kin can’t be contacted.
Ahead of Thursday’s ceremony, the funeral home made efforts to contact all the families, but Worthington said some people are just “uncontactable” — whether it be through changing their phone number and address over the years or just not answering the phone.
Unclaimed ashes of 79 persons were scattered in Melbourne’s bay, providing a dignified farewell for those whose families remain unreachable or unable to afford a proper service. Source: SBS News
Other times, the collection and scattering of ashes can be far too emotional, opening old wounds.
One family aboard, who have asked not to be named, were scattering the ashes of their baby.
About a third of the ashes on board were babies.
“A lot of families find it too overwhelming to come in and pick up the ashes,” Worthington said.
“They just find that connection too hard, so they like to leave things where they’re at.
“The scattering of ashes is a popular choice, but for many families, this goes against a feeling of connection to the remains. These folk are faced with a difficult decision — the choice to somehow keep the ashes, or dispose of them.
“Ironically, the difficulty of this decision often results in no decision being taken at all.”
Providing a ‘dignified’ farewell for all
It can be devastating to learn there are some people whose ashes have been sitting on a shelf for over twenty years, waiting to be picked up.
But charities like Worthington’s aim to ensure everyone gets a worthy and dignified send-off, regardless of their economic status.
“What we like to do is provide a dignified farewell for those who may not have known a dignified life perhaps. We tend to deal with those more than most,” Worthington said.
“What we want to do is give people the opportunity that the very last thing that’s going to happen to you is that you’ll have a dignified finish — and your family can feel good that it was done on their behalf.”
Kieran Worthington (pictured left) is a founding member of Sustainable Funerals Group, which hopes to provide dignified funerals to everyone, regardless of their financial status. Source: SBS News
Worthington’s father founded the charity after he kept finding more and more people didn’t have the money for a funeral.
“Ted, my father, was taking care of those [funerals] himself, sometimes putting his hand in his pocket if he needed to,” he said.
According to a 2023 report by Australian Seniors Cost of Death, burials are estimated to cost $11,039 compared to $9,076, up 20 per cent since 2019. The report also found that nine in 10 people believed funerals were too expensive.
While it’s hard to say exactly what the situation of those people whose remains were onboard was, Sustainable Funerals Group said the ashes onboard were left by families who engaged in bereavement assistance for financial help over the years.
All people, for one reason or another, were unable to afford a funeral. Both the deceased and the next of kin would have been suffering from financial hardship, the group said.
‘I want you to scatter my ashes on the bay on this ship’
Of the 79 remains on board, one of those belonged to Audrey McIntosh, who passed away last October at the age of 90.
Her neighbours, the Michieli family, were the executors of Audrey’s estate as she had no family in Australia.
The Michieli family lived next to Audrey for 32 years, where she became an aunty figure to Gina and Paul’s children, David and Stephanie.
The Michieli family spread the ashes of their neighbour, Audrey McIntosh, who took David and Stephanie on the ship when they were children. David, Stephanie, Gina and Paul Michieli (pictured left to right). Source: SBS News
Now an adult, David said being able to spread Audrey’s ashes on the ship was reminiscent of one of their fondest memories together.
“The story of why she chose to be sent off in this manner goes back to when I was about seven years old and my sister [Stephanie] was ten. It was my birthday and we had a fun day out where we rode this ship,” he told SBS News.
“We had this beautiful day out.
“She always talked about this day — how special it was to her, and it was just a great memory for her to have.
“Maybe 15 years after that, she came to me one day and said, listen, one day when I pass, I’d like you to scatter my ashes on the bay on this ship.”
The ship was the Enterprize, a fully operational replica of a tall ship constructed in Hobart in 1830, which provided the ashes scattering service for free.
The Michieli family honoured the life of their neighbour-turned-aunt, Audrey McIntosh, during the ceremony on Thursday, where the ashes of 79 people were scattered. Source: SBS News
“She feels a connection to the water and to the ocean, being a migrant from the United Kingdom,” David said.
“She loved the idea of it. She thought it was so respectful and beautiful, and she loved what the charity organisation does as well — giving people a distinguished sendoff.”
Their father Paul remembers Audrey as a “great” and “generous” woman who was unafraid to stand up for herself and other people.
Stephanie remembered her as someone who fostered community and loved to travel, even in her old age.
“She was not a little quaint old lady,” she laughed.
Reflecting on the ceremony on the boat, mother Gina said Audrey would have “been very happy”.
“I think she’d love it … I think she would’ve been glad that we’re all here together, enjoying it and having a glass of sparkling,” she said.
“We’re certainly not going to forget Audrey in a hurry,” Paul said.
On Thursday, strangers scattered the unclaimed ashes of 79 people. Source: SBS News
The scattering of strangers
When it’s time to scatter the ashes into the sea, everyone gets involved — even the ship’s crew.
I scatter the ashes of a man I have never met — Richard Hart.
Many people on board tear up when it’s time to scatter the ashes of babies, whose boxes are so small that it only takes a moment for them to float into the sea.
After the send-off, we tossed rose petals into the cloudy sea. People on board released eight white doves by hand, which would find their way back home within the hour.
Spreading the ashes of strangers is, well, strange. But it’s also intimate and heartwarming.
“People forget that we are just one big community,” Worthington said.
“If we find ourselves able to engage in a dignified finale for the people who have passed on before us, that helps reinvigorate that connection with everybody.
“It doesn’t have to be direct family — it can be friends, it can be strangers that just feel the right way about it.
“We take the opportunity once every few years to do a trip like this and disperse the ashes in the water — it’s like the cycle of life completes.”
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