This article contains references to domestic violence
For retired AFL player Ben Brown, growing up in a house with five brothers and spending his early adulthood in a hyper-masculine sporting environment, conversations about women’s safety and gender equality were virtually non-existent.
While he was raised to always be respectful, he was never aware of or exposed to the prevalence of sexism, harassment, or gender-based violence.
It wasn’t until his now-wife told him about some of the experiences she had had that he began to understand the issues and realised he could have a role in changing conversations.
“The prevalence of violence against women in the community, and my knowledge about the drivers of violence, the attitudes and behaviours that lead to violent behaviour in men … it just wasn’t front of mind for me,” he said.
“It wasn’t really something I was aware of.”
Ben Brown retired from the AFL in 2024, and has become a prevention of violence against women advocate. Source: AAP / Matt Turner
Brown then educated himself more on the issues, started having conversations in the football clubs he played for, and became an advocate for the prevention of violence against women.
But most men in Australia do not talk about violence with other men, and many believe they personally can’t do anything about it, according to new research from national violence prevention organisation Our Watch.
The research found that while 80 per cent of men want to change the rates of violence against women, only 45 per cent have talked about it with other men, and 43 per cent feel they personally can’t do anything to change things.
Our Watch also found 45 per cent of men surveyed feel pressure to act ‘stereotypically manly’, which CEO Patty Kinnersly said is harmful to both men and women.
She said men who believe in stereotypical versions of masculinity are more likely to perpetrate violence against women and more likely to show up in rates of suicide and “take less care of themselves”.
“If we are going to prevent violence against women, we need to challenge that version of masculinity,” Kinnersly said.
“We all aspire to a community where people are safe and equal and respected, where the community can thrive, where there are opportunities where everyone can be themselves.
“You can’t really do that if we’ve got men feeling like they need to portray a certain type of masculinity harmful to themselves and to women.”
Brown said in his early years as a professional Australian rules player, he struggled to fit into the hyper-masculine environment and felt social pressure to fit in and behave more like other players.
He said while the AFL and other major sporting codes have made “some positive steps”, issues around both prevention and messaging remain.
“I think the AFL has got a long way to go in terms of the procedures that are in place to deal with issues of prevention when it comes to dealing with attitudes and behaviours you see in the league,” he said.
“And even when you’ve got situations such as players who are perpetrators … the consistency in messaging, the consistency in how clubs and the league deal with situations like that, I think that there’s definitely work to be done there.”
The AFL has taken steps to address gender inequality and gender-based violence, and in May, a partnership was announced with Our Watch, which is focused on educational training and delivering workshops to all AFL and AFLW clubs.
Rallies have been held across Australia to call for an end to violence against women. Source: AAP / Lukas Coch
Ahead of all matches in round eight this year, the AFL held silent tributes to women who had died as a result of gender-based violence.
At the time, AFL CEO Andrew Dillon said the industry had the opportunity to take a stand.
“We also understand our industry still has work to do, but we are committed to continuing to educate, to take action and even more conscious of that we must work harder than ever,” he said.
“All men are responsible for doing better.”
SBS News has contacted the AFL for comment.
According to the advocacy group Destroy the Joint’s project Counting Dead Women, 66 women have been killed violently in 2024 at the time of writing.
There have been a series of and increased funding aimed at both prevention and supporting people experiencing violence.
But most public conversations continue to be led by women.
Tarang Chawla, an anti-violence advocate, said that he believes there needs to be an improvement in men’s understanding of all aspects of domestic violence.
“I think men are aware of the most serious forms of violence against women like homicide … but they’re not as aware of some of the smaller incidents of sexism or misogyny that might take place and their role in combating that culture,” he said.
“Men have to start to become more aware of all forms of violence against women, not just the ones that make the news cycle.”
Chawla, who became an advocate after his sister Nikita was murdered by her husband, said he believes several factors are preventing more men from engaging in conversations about gender-based violence.
He said while some might not understand the issue, others are unsure of their role or how they can help.
“We need to meet men where they’re at to help them understand that they actually do play a role, particularly those men who consider themselves good men who would never engage in any kind of violence,” he said.
“I think a lot of men are a bit confused and maybe a bit nervous about where do they fit in … so it’s our role to encourage them to be part of a conversation that’s much more pro-social and geared towards the role of men in society more broadly, rather than just making them feel like they’re responsible for every single person’s actions.”
Brown agreed, and said he believes culture in football clubs and society more broadly is gradually changing.
He said he had heard other players beginning to call out sexism or misogyny, and taking steps to educate one another.
“I think the first step for us as men is we really need to open our ears and listen to the stories of women, and it’s okay to not have all the answers as long as we’re trying to learn,” he said.
“And then as men, if we can have these discussions in really respectful ways with each other, it’s actually a really good opportunity to learn to change the culture and also to connect on a deeper level.”
If you or someone you know is impacted by family and domestic violence, call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732 or visit . In an emergency, call 000.
The Men’s Referral Service provides advice for men on domestic violence and can be contacted on 1300 766 491.
