The man is engaged in financial domination or findom — a kink where a person, usually a man, finds pleasure in giving financial control.
For each submissive, enjoyment can derive from a different aspect. Sometimes it’s the idea of spoiling someone else, sometimes the degradation that might come before the money is handed over, and sometimes the idea of struggling or giving someone else control.
“But they’re able to provide this ‘consent’ to a service that’s essentially destroying their life.”
In online spaces where doms are trying to attract financial submissives, they share messages such as: “If you really loved me you would sell your car and house”, “Remortgage your house … there’s always a way you just need to find it,” “get a loan open another credit line, sell your car … I don’t care what you do, just send.”
Daniel: ‘They’re seeing this as a way to talk to women’
Some doms have even blackmailed submissives — which is illegal in Australia — with their personal details that they shared, Daniel said.
Some of the messages seen in online findom spaces from financial dominants. Source: SBS
“A sub will say: ‘I don’t have petrol to get to work. I don’t have food to eat. And [another sub] will say, ‘go down to a food bank, go get food,’ and you’re thinking these are people that are earning money,” he said.
“You get people who are doing this for fun, who are quite ethical, who understand BDSM principles, and you get the other side who are just greedy people who want money and don’t care who they hurt in the process.”
Money, trust and internet popularity forge ethically grey area
In theory, people in a power play or BDSM relationship are supposed to set boundaries before they engage in it. Some even formalise the arrangement in writing.
And as word about the kink spread, some people on the internet saw it as an opportunity to make money.
A place where addiction, poverty and suffering are glorified
There were years when Kurt sent money every single day until eventually he was bankrupt and his relationship broke down.
Kurt has seen the evolution of findom over 15 years. He says it’s being exploited by people who are looking to make money. Source: SBS
“It had gotten to the point where I had multiple loans, credit card debt, basically declared bankrupt. What I’ve spent over the years, I would’ve been able to buy a freestanding house and two really good cars.”
Kurt says some dominants have even targeted people in online support groups where they’re looking for help with their addiction.
Many people have criticised the people trying to “make money” off others. Source: SBS
“It becomes interesting for doms to pull someone’s recovery into findom play and obstruct that recovery over time.”
“The most worrying one for me is that addiction itself has become a fetish,” he said.
Who bears responsibility?
But ultimately: “The responsibility really lies with the person who has more power within the dynamic to make sure that the other person is freely able to give consent.”
Ashton said it is a misconception to suggest people who engage in power play relationships have more trauma than the general population, but said it’s important to know what is driving the desire to be in one.
Dr Sarah Ashton, a psychologist who specialise in kink, says the number of clients she has seen about findom has increased in the past few years. Source: SBS
“You need to be aware of those things to communicate them to a dominant, and that’s where people can really fall down because it really does rely on awareness and communication,” she said.
“Unfortunately, just generally as a population, this is something that I think most people need to work on.”