This article contains references to domestic violence.
Nervous, stressed, scared. But mostly, excited.
There was an overwhelming rush of emotions, Laila (not her real name) said, when she embarked on a daring plan to escape her abusive cousin who she was forced to marry when she was on holiday in the United States.
“I waited for him to go to work and then I packed all my things, put them in boxes, caught an Uber to the post office, then I went to the police station,” she told SBS News.
“It was really scary, because all the cards, all the accounts, were his, so he could see all the transactions. I was so stressed out that day.”
Laila was forced to marry a cousin she hardly knew shortly after graduating high school, during a trip to the US. Source: SBS News
The young Australian woman said she was coerced, then threatened by her own family, into marrying a man she had just met.
Laila was a high school graduate when her aunt based in the US suggested she travel there for a holiday. Her cousins, who she had never met before, paid for her flight and arranged for her to stay in their home. They showed her the full weight of their hospitality; they were warm, generous, inviting.
“Two weeks in, my cousin was introducing me as his fiancée,” she said. “I thought he was joking at first … I don’t know this guy. Why is he acting like he is with me?” she said.
Soon after, her family’s hidden intentions crystallised. Laila said they launched an active, pressured campaign for her to marry one of the cousins.
When she refused, threats followed. They told her that she would be deported to Australia, then jailed for lying about her reasons for travelling to the US. Her mum cut her off and didn’t allow her siblings to support her.
No family, no police, no money. Laila said she felt isolated, defeated, and cornered into making a fateful decision that would change the course of her life.
After a month, she found herself married to a man she barely knew.
“I thought getting married was going to save me from that situation,” she said. “I felt like there was nothing else I could do besides stay with this person.”
SBS News journalist Rayane Tamer (left) interviewing Laila. Laila didn’t realise she was a victim of forced marriage until years after she was trapped in an abusive relationship. She shared her story under the condition of anonymity. Source: SBS News
What is forced marriage?
Forced marriage involves a person entering a marriage without their free and full consent, because they have been coerced, threatened or deceived, or because the person is incapable of understanding the effect of the ceremony.
It’s different from arranged marriage, which is legal for those aged above 16, because the two parties provide full and free consent.
Between 2018 and 2023, the AFP has received 440 reports of forced marriage. Source: SBS News
Forced marriage was criminalised in Australia in 2013 under the country’s broader strategy to combat modern slavery practices. The first conviction and sentence were made this week.
Laila said she is lucky to be alive to tell the story of her escape and survival. Others in her position haven’t shared that same fate.
Australia’s first jail sentence over forced marriage
Ruqia Haidari was 21 when her mother forced her to marry Perth man Muhammad Ali Halimi. Just six weeks after their wedding, he slashed her throat and murdered her in their home.
At Victoria’s County Court on Monday, Haidari’s mother, Sakina Muhammad Jan, was for forcing her daughter to marry him. She can be released under a conditional agreement after 12 months.
It makes Jan, 48, the first person in Australia to be convicted and sentenced for forced marriage offences.
Sakina Muhammad Jan (right) became the first person in Australia to be convicted and sentenced for breaking the country’s forced marriage laws. Source: AAP / Diego Fedele
Justice Frances Dalziel told Jan during her sentencing on Monday: “You abused your power as her mother, as the person with whom she lived and respected.”
Jan, a permanent resident who is of Hazara ethnicity, now faces possible deportation to Afghanistan. Dalziel accepted it was a “grave risk” for Jan as Hazaras are an ethnic minority group which faces persecution from the Taliban.
But she said there must be a strong deterrent so it is “made clear to everyone in our country that forced marriage is against the law … and leads to significant consequences for the offender.”
I thought if I was to go to the police, they would lock me up or deport me.
Laila, a victim of forced marriage
Between 2018 and 2023, the Australian Federal Police (AFP) received 440 reports of forced marriage. In the financial year of 2022-23, there were 90 reports alone. More than half of the victims they have helped are under 18, and just under a third are under 16.
But those figures are believed to be vastly underreported because many victims are bound by cultural norms, or forced into marriage by their own parents — making it difficult for them to speak out.
“You can imagine how confronting it is for a child to be placed in a position of forced marriage and maybe have no access to tell anyone about that,” AFP commander for human exploitation, Helen Schneider, told SBS News.
According to figures from the AFP, half of forced marriage victims are under the age of 18 and just under a third are under 16.
Schneider said many victims don’t know forced marriage is a criminal offence or are reluctant to report perpetrators to the police if they are family members.
“This is a problem that goes across different ethnic groups, cultural groups, religious groups, it’s an issue across all of our communities in Australia,” she said.
Laila said she only realised forced marriage was a criminal offence, and that she was a victim, years after being trapped in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship.
“I did not want to get close to him a lot of the time. He’s a lot bigger than me, a lot stronger than me. There’s no way I could push him off or fight it,” she said.
‘I found out I was pregnant’
Laila said her sister confided in a school counsellor about their family situation and was told she should contact the police; so she did.
“[The police] took me to a safe house and I stayed there overnight until I went to the Australian consulate the next day,” Laila said.
“I couldn’t believe the amount of support I got. I thought if I was to go to the police, they would lock me up or deport me, but they were so supportive.
“They just did a new passport for me, I flew back to Sydney and then the AFP were there. They helped me get in contact with Red Cross and things changed.”
Laila said the police intervention came at the “perfect time”.
“When I moved back to Australia, within the same week I was back, I found out I was pregnant,” she said.
“Because if I was there one week longer and found out that I was pregnant when I was there … I think my life would have been over.
“I don’t think I would’ve been brave enough to leave knowing that and I think it would have only gotten worse.”
If you or someone you know is impacted by family and domestic violence, call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732, text 0458 737 732, or visit . In an emergency, call 000.
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